What does it mean to be a "Spirit-filled spouse?" When moments of crisis come our way in relationships, how should we act?
Sermon Transcript
- Lord Jesus, we just thank you for who you are. Lord we thank you for your living and active word. We thank you that every time we open up your word, we know we are gonna hear directly from you when it's accurately proclaimed. So Lord be helpful to me today, be helpful to us, so that we can clearly hear you. Lord help us to put in to practice what you show us. Help us become who you want us to be, and Lord in advance for all you're gonna do, we give you all the praise, glory and honor. In the mighty and the righteous name of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ, and all God's people agree by saying amen, amen. You know, there is probably no greater joy relationally, and no greater pain relationally then that which takes inside of marriage. And in the book of 1 Peter, what Peter has been addressing to us is what Christianity looks like in crisis, specifically how we're to respond when we're living out our Christian faith in a time of crisis. And where we are at today in the book of 1 Peter is what it looks like to live as a Christian in a time of crisis within the context of a marriage. What does that look like? Now I know that when I'm talking to a crowd like this, several of you are married, and many of you have never been married, some of you have a desire to be married, some of you have been married that have a desire to be married again, some of you have been married and you have no desire to ever be married again. Here's why we wanna hear the word of God. Because God is the one who wants to talk to us from His throne about this relationship, about how it looks, with instruction from Him. So if you'd open your Bible up to the book of 1 Peter chapter three. We're gonna look at verses one through seven. I'd like to read them out loud, and then we'll unpack them together. 1 Peter chapter three, verses one through seven. He says this, "In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observed your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not merely be external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way, in former times, the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." And here in this short section of scripture, we're gonna hear from the Lord directly about instruction for what it means to be Spirit-filled spouses. Now just a couple words before we dive in to the text just to give you some background so we understand what we're delving in to, understand three things about what God says about this topic. And the first is this, that God designed gender. God is the one that designed gender. We can't even get out of Genesis chapter one when we see that God designed gender. Notice what He says in Genesis one 27, "God created man in His own image in the image of God, He created him male and female He created them." So God is the one who designed gender. Psalms 139 says that He knit together in your mother's womb that you are fearfully and wonderfully made so if He knit you together as female you'll come out as a girl and you'll grow into a woman. If He knit you together as a male, you'll come out as a boy and you'll grow into a man. That's God's design and notice when He says about gender, He created both male and female in His image. All of us are image bearers of the King. There's no one more important than the other. Both male and female are equally important in the sight of God and you need to understand that before we get to this text this morning. If you are female, you are as valuable as a male. If you are male, you are as valuable as a female. No one is more valuable. No one is less valuable. All are image bearers of the King. Okay? Second, not only did God design gender, God instituted marriage. If we wanna understand this concept of marriage and what it's about you can get understanding elsewhere or you can look in God's word because God is the one who instituted it. The very next verse, Genesis Chapter one verse 28 " God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves upon the earth." As we get to Genesis two and He spells out further what happened on day six we see in Genesis two 24 and 25 after Eve was created from a rib taken out of Adam, it says this," For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." So God's design for marriage is between a... This is God talking, is between a man and a woman being joined together. When they are joined together, they are no longer two, they are one. The most important principle to understand about marriage is oneness. If you go to a wedding or if you've been at a wedding in your own wedding, when you say your vows upfront and the pastor or the priest or the Rabbi pronounce declares that you are now husband and wife, you are no longer two, you become one. God doesn't see you as two people who are now together. Two people who are sharing finances. Two people who live under the same roof. No, God sees you as this. You are one. You need to understand in this oneness because God created gender, no one's more important than the other one in this oneness. Both are equally important. So when we get to talk about roles later you'll understand that roles don't look like this or like this. Roles function within this. And oneness is the key to every marriage. When you fight for oneness in your marriage all the other things that are out there like finances, like discipline, like kids, like how you gonna live your future, like all those things that can compete they all compete for oneness. When married couples say, "All we care about is oneness, who care about these other stuff? We'll work that out." That's when marriages work. When couples try to live like this and work out all the problems that doesn't work, you're one. God sees you as one. And this is God talking, He is one that instituted marriage. It's His definitions between a man and a woman that live together till one of them dies, okay? When one dies, the covenant's over you are free to marry another. That's what the Bible teaches. So God designed gender God instituted marriage and then third, God provided instructions. God's word is complete with instructions about marriage. We see it all over the Bible. We have good examples. We have bad examples. Ephesians five specifically verses 22 to 33 spells out in the context of the church how marriage should look. 1st Peter chapter three verses one through seven is another section of scripture for a how this should look. God dedicated an entire book called The Songs of Solomon to love and marriage and how that is to look. And you have to understand because God designed this covenant to be a spiritual covenant where you're making vows to Him. Everything about marriage is spiritual so actually how you're treating your spouse is really how you are relating to the Lord that's why you don't have marriage problems. Nobody has marriage problems they have a relationship problem with God. It's a spiritual problem first that gets translated into your marriage. If you have marriage issues is because first and foremost you have God issues, right? Because God is the one who is in charge that's why even passages like 1st Corinthians 13 passages of love which aren't specifically intended for marriage translate well into the bond of marriage because what we are leaning to do is love God and to love each other. So that as a primer, understand what we are about ready to get into. We're looking at the word of God this morning. We don't shy away from the word of God. I love the word of God. I love all parts of the word of God and this is instruction that God is going to give to wives and to husbands about how to live. Just a word on this, okay? This word when God speaks through a preacher to God's people, it is not the preacher's word if he is being faithful to text, this is God's speaking and God's gonna speak to wives or to women who desire to be married and God's gonna speak to husbands or men who desire to be married. And here is what you need to understand. Wives you have a volition, you have a will. You can choose to put this into practice or not. Husbands you have a volition, you have a will. Means you can choose to put this into practice or not. Scripture is not intended for husbands to tell wives what to do nor for wives to tell husbands what to do. No one can make you be obedient to what God is saying. So this is not an opportunity for you if you are married to be nagging your spouse during the different sections of the texts saying, "How comes you are not listening, pay attention." You can't make someone be obedient. This is for you to respond the way that God would want you to respond. Now notice this. There are six verses that deal with the wives and there's one verse that deals with the husband. And here's why. Because I wanna tell this, I mean this factually , it's much harder for a woman to be married to a husband who's disobedient to the word than for a husband to be married to a wife who's disobedient to the word. Now they are both miserable but often times if the husband loves Jesus the kids will also love Jesus. We can still do this stuff. Here's the truth, if the wife loves Jesus and the husband doesn't it's miserable. That's why I believe God is giving more instruction here. And in the first century you need to understand this about women in the first century. Women were viewed as little more than property. Women were downplayed. Jesus is the one who elevated women. Paul was the one who elevated women. God is always elevating women because from the beginning, both of them are image bearers of the King. And so they're specific instructions to both wives and to husbands for how to live. Number two you need to understand this. These texts and what I'm gonna tell you wives, I'm gonna give you three things and husbands I'm gonna give you three things. There are not just difficult things, they're impossible things without being filled by the spirit. Because all the instruction that God's gonna give us today He's gonna be the one that's lives this through you. This will go against the grain of everything your flesh wants to do. I understand that when I'm teaching this. So wives understand what I'm teaching I'm teaching you the things that go against the grain of who in your flesh you wanna be. Husbands I'm teaching you to go against the grain of who in your flesh that you wanna be. This is for spirit filled spouses. When you are saved the Holy Spirit comes to indwell us, seal us, live with us, but we must continue to be filled by the Holy Spirit it's why in Ephesians five before Paul spells out all the instructions about husbands and wives he tells us be filled with the spirit. Don't get drunk on wine which leads to wastefulness or discerpation but be filled with the Spirit. The only way that you can have a God-honoring marriage is to be filled with the Spirit. If you gonna do things God's way, the only way is to be filled with the spirit. Then why is it hard? Because here is why, cause here is what marriage involves. Take two people, okay? That in their natural state are rebellious in every way and completely self centered. Two entirely different genders. Two entirely different world views. Two entirely different personalities. Bring them together and say it's gonna be awesome, it's crazy! It can't work without God. The moment you say I do you have irreconcilable differences. Everybody does. That's why God has to give us instructions. And this is what He does. So He's gonna talk to the wives first and then He's gonna talk to the husbands and give equal time to both, okay? So what does He say to the wives? He says, "in the same way you wives." Now what's this " In the same way?" In the same as what? In the same as who? In the same as Jesus that you just read about in verse 21 through 25 of chapter two. This Jesus who had committed no sin nor any deceit in His mouth. While being reviled He did not revile in return. While suffering, He uttered no threats but kept trusting Himself to the one who judges righteously. This Jesus who was mistreated by the people that He loved and trusted Himself to the Father. He didn't say, "Dad get 'em." He said Father forgive them for they know not what they do. He was mistreated. He was hurt. He was spit upon. He was mocked. He was beaten and what did He do? He didn't revile in return, but He entrusted Himself to the one who judges justly. In the same way you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be one with the word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. It means this, wives number one relinquish control of your husband. Relinquish the control of your husband only a Sprit filled wife can do this, right? The tendency after the fall was for the non-Spirit filled Eve to control her husband. Right? Submission is the opposite of control. Okay? So you have to a self study and find out how is it that I desire to control my husband. Control means this; I care about the outcome and I want him to do it my way and if I do these things it will go my way so I'm gonna act that way because I have to make sure that I can trust this guy. So I'm gonna control him. You don't get to control your husband you get to submit to your your husband. Now remember when we talk about submission we're not talking about less them we are talking about unity. Does Jesus know anything about submission? The Father and the Son are co-equal, they are of equal value. They are both God. And what did the son do? He submitted Himself to the Father in everything. He said I only do what I see the Father doing. It doesn't mean you don't have a say. It doesn't mean you don't have a voice. It doesn't mean you don't speak out. It doesn't mean mean you tell your husbands, "I think you're wrong." It doesn't mean I don't wanna do that. Did you not just say that in the garden. Didn't Jesus plead His case with His dad. I don't wanna do this if there's any other way I mean I'll.... Okay. But Father not my will but yours be done. He entrusted Himself to one who judges justly. Now here's the problem, without being spirit filled as a man or a woman it's impossible to fully submit to Christ. And we are all called to submit to Christ. And we are all called to submit to one another in love. I mean that's hard enough knowing that Jesus Christ is perfect And is loving and is awesome and Hee has my best interest, I get that. But I know what you wives are thinking. Yeah but that's Jesus, That's hard. Have you met my husband? I know him, he aint no Jesus. Like I can trust Jesus but this guy he aint Jesus and he aint like Him and he makes dumb decisions and he does stupid things and if I am not there controlling him we gonna go off the cliff. No you're not. Because God goes to to work when He sees your heart be submissive to that which isn't perfect. God has a way of coming in and changing your husband when you relinquish control. Coz as long as you have your claws in your husband's skin it's gonna go this way, I gonna make this happen, imma do this. God said okay, you go ahead and do that but when you're ready for me to step in just submit to him and I'll go to work in your husband's life. Now notice what it says here coz some of you are saying my husband aint even a Christian. Well that's why God wrote the word He says in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word. That means you may be married to non believer or you may have become a Christian after you got married and your husband is still not a believer. Or maybe that you married a Christian guy but it's because you married a Christian guy, this is a great place for an amen ladies, it doesn't mean that he's 100% obedient to the word all the time. For three of you, amen. Okay, my wife said amen. All right. It means this, we tend to think I'll submit if he's perfect. If you submit when he's perfect you'll never submit. And this not the pastor this is not some man telling him, " You better do this." This is the throne of God saying, "if you want health in your marriage and you want my blessing on your marriage this is what I'm commanding that you do." This is God's saying for women. And notice what he says, " Wives submit to your own husbands." Your own husbands. You do not submit to every single guy that you see, it's your own husband. Its a marriage call. That's what it is. So that what? Because marriage is a picture of the gospel. We have a Sprit-filled man and a Spirit-filled woman allowing Jesus Christ to fill them and use them you are a picture of the gospel to the world. When you have only a wife and a husband, then you're demonstrating the gospel to your non believing spouse. So that husbands can be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. It means when you act pure before the Lord and you showing submission to someone and quote, "Doesn't deserve it." Or isn't responding well, guess what? God can use your witness in the marriage to lead that man to Christ or if he's a believer, can win him to start refocusing his heart, realizing he's not walking with the Lord the way he needs to walk. And lemme tell me something about men just so you know ladies. Here's what men have a hard time responding to, okay? Ladies when you, it's okay to tell your husband my wife's good at this, she tells me when I'm wrong, she's direct with me. I know she doesn't look like she is she is very direct with me. She is very clear. I respect that, I know that. And by the way husbands will get to you in a minute. When your wife's telling you something, I've learned this with over 14 years in marriage, 99.9% of the time I need to listen to what she's saying. And if you're a smart husband you'll do the same, right? Here's the reality. When a woman is in marriage and all she does is talking complaining about what a lousy husband she has. Here is what it sounds like to a man. Go watch a peanuts cartoon and listen to the teacher. Remember that teacher? Wawawawawa. That's what it sounds like to a guy. So you think you are having great impact by telling him what he need to do and you better lead family devotions. You need to go church. And you better start doing this. He hasn't heard a word you said. What wins over your husband's heart according to the word of God and you submitting to him you serving him, you respecting him, you being pure, and I know what you're thinking, he doesn't deserve it. The texts doesn't say do it when he deserves it, the text says based upon the authority of God's word. Here's how you're to live so God can go to work in your marriage. You have to be filled with the spirit for you to do this. It's not difficult. It's impossible. Without the spirit of God, amen! It's the opposite of control and manipulation. Now singles you might say this, if you're listening to this, if you are single lady in here and go I never wanna do that. You have a choice. Don't get married. There's nothing wrong with not getting married. As a matter of fact there's a lot of benefits to not getting married. Singleness is not a curse, there is a blessing to singleness. Because you have time and you have independence and you can do things. So if you are hearing this and saying there's no way I never want to submit to any man then stay single. There's nothing wrong with that. It's a noble thing but know this, if you are choosing to marry this is what God says that a spirit filled wife need to be. Lets continue. And the second thing is, how about this, wives only relinquish control of your husbands but wives reverence your character. Notice what he says in verse three your doormen must not be merely external braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses but let it be the him person of the heart. With the imperishable quality of a genuine quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. In other words this, don't get your cues from the world ladies. Notice what it says it says do not focus merely externally. There's nothing wrong with wearing make up or braiding your hair or wearing jewelry or dressing in fine clothes. Here's what God is saying to the ladies. Don't make that your primary focus. Now I've said probably a couple of times in this sermon I'm not an expert on women. Never will be. Quit giggling. I'm not, I know I'm not, right? But I do know enough to know that if there's general consensus of women that one thing that almost all women struggle with is their identity and how they look. And every magazine presents itself to you to let you know if you just did this or took this pill or wore this makeup or did all this stuff you know, then everything will be great and you'll live longer. You'll have less wrinkles because you do all that stuff. Do you ever notice there's not a lot of commercials like that for guys? Do you know why? Because we guys can look in the mirror look absolutely awful and be like dude I look awesome. That's just how we are wired, right? Ladies, your heart your problem is your heart because you wanna be cherished. It's how God made you. Its unique to who you are. You are made different than we are made as men. Men, our problem is our ego. It's our head. So ladies the same way you have this insatiable desire to feel honored and loved and be told that you are beautiful, its how you ladies speak to each other you wear a certain, oh you really look good in that dress. Or wow you did your hair nice today. We as guys don't talk to each other that way. If somebody came to me and said Jeff I really like that shirt, you look really nice today I'd be like that's weird. And if a guy told me your hair looks awesome, I'm like I know that's why... We don't do that but you do because that's how God made you and it's awesome that you wanna be cherished. But here's what God saying don't focus merely on the external focus on the internal. Focus on that that is honoring to the Lord because that's what's precious to Him. That's what the Lord notices. I would say more bluntly like this, if you gonna take two hours to get ready in the morning before you leave the house so you can present yourself. Then spend that much time before the Lord preparing your heart for Him as well. It means what God values in your marriage what God values in women. And God doesn't look at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart. Develop your character. Grow in your character. Singles just know this, if you are a single lady you can grow in your character long before you get married. Ask the Lord to develop you and develop a heart of a woman that has that inner beauty, that inner spirit, that loves Jesus Christ with all that she is. That's what He's saying here. He's not downplaying good looks. He's not downplaying wearing jewelry or make up or anything like that, He's like don't make that merely your thing. Don't just look at magazines and say if only I'd look like that, if only I could be that. And don't live for the applause of men. And don't live for the applause of your husband. Live for the applause of Lord Jesus Christ where He sees your heart and says that's my girl. I see what you're doing and you're beautiful for me. Amen, that's what he's saying. So He said wives relinquish control of your husbands and reverence your character , this pure character this meekness that you're called to be. And then 30 says this, wives you're called to respect your husband. Notice when He says here. Verse five for in this way in the former times the holy women also who put their hope in God to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands. So He's repeating what He says. This is how they adorn themselves they didn't adorn themselves so everybody would notice their outside. They adorn themselves so that everybody would notice their character and who they were as a woman of God. And these women were submissive to their own husband. They modeled it just like Sarah did who obeyed Abraham calling him lord. Now how about that? Man I won't make you do it in church but maybe something you can practice this week. You know like , man I can't do that. He says you'll become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by fear. Notice what He says, let your husband be respected by you. Now in our culture, this is really hard because any good sitcom, if you wanna have any good show all you need to do is get a domineering wife and a buffoon of husband and make fun of them all the time. And it gets tons of laughs and it's awesome. All right? And even in the Christian community I know that there's women that given over to husband bashing where they can't wait to go out with their girlfriends to talk about what a loser their husband is. Don't ever do that. That is completely disrespectful in every way. Out of your lips and out of your mouth should be the most honoring words buffoon about your husband. Respect him. Honor him. Give him honor where honor is due. And doesn't mean that he has to be perfect. It means that's just your general state that I'm gonna put him first and I'm gonna respect him and I'm gonna honor him or even if your girlfriends are like how do you even put up with a guy like that? How do you do it? Because I serve the Lord Jesus Christ and He put up with me and so I'm just responding to my husband the way Jesus did to me. I'm respecting him. Right? Guys we grew up in a respect culture we understand this. I mean, we understand authority, we understand respect, we understand who's better at this, who's better at that. We respect that. Women you grew up in a culture of community. You just kinda love and talk nice to each other. Respect is a hard thing to do. But by respecting and giving words of affirmation and telling your husband when he did a good job and how you are honored to be his wife. And how you're honored to be under his leadership and all. Speaks volumes to your husband's heart. Respect him. Respect him. The challenge to all this is and if you're single and you're listening to this, lemme just tell you this, ladies if you date a guy and you are like I don't really respect the guy I'm dating break up with him like now. Coz if you can't respect him now, you don't even know him wait till you get married. Like you think you know him you don't know anything coz we as guys keep everything secret until we marry you. And even we don't know we've kept it a secret we just being ourselves and all of a sudden you wake up someday, I didn't know this about him. I didn't know this I didn't know this. And you are like yeah we are married aint it great. No it was before we got married now I know you. You are not respecting him because he's doing all the right things. You are respecting him because that's what God has asked you to do. And that's why he called wives to do. Difficult? No. Impossible? Yes. Only sprit filled women of the Lord can do this. But this what the Bible teaches and when you think about women's ministry if you ever wonder like, what should women's ministry be doing? And this is what a women's ministry does here, take a look at this passage in Titus. Titus chapter two verses three to five when Paul is writing to Titus and telling him who to disciple he never tells him to be with younger women. But he does talk about older women. He says," Disciple the older women likewise who are to be reverent in their behavior not malicious gossips nor enslaves too much wine teaching what is good so that what? So these older women may encourage the younger women to do these things. To love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, why? So that the word of God will not be dishonored." Women the only gender that is told to be busy at home is females. This doesn't prohibit you from working outside the home in anyway. God is just saying that your primary responsibility is to your husband and to your kids. That's the word of God, right? Don't buy the lie that says if the world doesn't value me nobody does. Here's the truth. If you live how God want to God values you. God sees your value and I promise you the return on investment is far greater than anything that you can earn by getting the approval of other men. Amen. And this is how God is instructing wives. So lets move on to the husbands. What are husbands supposed to do? So you women can take a deep breath now some of you men you better sit up on the edge of your seat. There's only one verse here for the men but its pretty loaded. It says you husbands in the same way, same way as what? In the same way as Jesus. See Jesus not only knew how to submit but you gotta know something about Jesus Christ He's the King of kings and He's the Lord of lords. He's the authority over all things. So if there's anybody who knows about submission it's Jesus. If there's anything, anyone who knows anything about leading and authority, it's Jesus as well. And He says in the same way what Jesus sets your model here's what you gotta do. Live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. Means this, first of all husbands preference your wife. Preference her. Live with your wives in an understanding way, it means this. Consider her and put her first. This is not just difficult for the man, this is impossible without the sprit of God. You know why? Ladies let me tell how we men are? We either think we know everything or right about everything or we just don't care. In other words we as men like to be in charge or we like to abdicate all responsibility. I got this or you got this. Partnership for us, very very difficult. Right. You'll hear guys say this, I have heard guys say this and if you have ever said this you're entirely wrong. I've heard guys say this to me my wife holds me back. My wife's keeping me from all my goals. No she's not holding you back. You're a buffoon. You need to preference your wife, God gave you your wife. God gave you her so that you can preference her so you can learn from her. So you could listen to her. When you learn your wife's heart you'll learn no matter who you are God's given you the opposite person of who you are. Men gave you the opposite of who you are. See I falsely believed when I got married having a help meant I translate a help mate as help Jeff. So I knew where I was going and the was getting this help Jeff to come alongside to help me get where I was going. I didn't realize that I needed the most help. Which was in the areas of my heart. Which were in the areas of seeing the world completely different than the way that I see it. Which was preferring someone that sees the world different than me, that loves different than me that appreciates things different than me. So that together we can be better. I'm better because my wife. It needs to preference her. And when I'm not sprit filled its not my natural state. My natural state is to preference me. And I know what I'm doing and you can come along for the ride. Or I know what I'm doing and that's not a big deal to me you figure that one out. To preference my wife means that we are doing this together coz we are one so we are figuring this thing out. So lets listen to each other. Husbands if you don't listen to your wives and if you don't understand where they are coming from you're missing out on God's blessing in your marriage. If your wife's been telling you something over over over and over it's for a reason. She has a reason and you need to at least acknowledge that reason. You will at least need to hear it. Doesn't mean you have to agree with it, it doesn't mean you can't make a decision contrary to it but you need to value it. It means honor her in a way that she would know it. So she would know that she knows that she knows that you actually do care about what she thinks and what she believes. That's what it means to preference your wife. Difficult, no. Impossible without the spirit, yes. Singles, young guys say how do I do that? How do I learn how to do that? We are all called to preference one another. And consider other better than ourselves as Christians. It means that in all your conversations is you are preparing for marriage is consider other people more important than you. And just practice that put that into practice. Coz if you can get good at that it will help you when you get married. Because if you get married thinking the marriage is about you, you are in for a rough ride. You don't get married for you you get married to get to preference someone other than you. Then He says this, it's not only to preference your wife but protect your wife. If there's a contender for the most politically incorrect verse in the Bible this would be one of them. As he says live with your wives as someone weaker, since she is a woman. Let me read it again, you didn't hear me. As someone weaker since she is a woman. Now you hear this and feels like a put down, doesn't it ladies? It's not a put down. I'll show you how it's not a put down in a minute. It doesn't mean that you are weaker intellectually it doesn't mean that you are weaker emotionally, it doesn't mean that less than a guy. It means that God's already shown you that you're co-equal. Men aren't more important than women and women are not more important than men. So let me give an illustration. This here is a cup that I received one of my favorite cups as a matter of fact. I got this at dodgers stadium a couple of years ago when the Cavs were playing there. It's just a plastic cup. Ever seen one of these? I love these things, my wife hates them. Like why do you collect these? Like they are great, they are cups you can move them around you make smoothies in em. And if you drop them aint no big deal. I mean it's just a cup. This is what men are like. This is how we talk to one another. I have been in men's events and I've seen a guy say dude, haven't seen you in a while you've put on a lot of weight. You look fat. Now I haven't been to any women's events but I have a pretty good idea that's never happened at women's events. Women you don't talk to each other. We are men , we are like these cups, we are like these vessels. In the King James Version it reads weaker vessel. It means something that you carry. So if this is a guy let me show you what a woman's like. This is weaker. See this cup, see this vessel, this is what a woman's like. Weaker doesn't mean less valuable, it means special. It means you have to protect this. I didn't dare bring the water for china from my house for this example because my wife would have been nervous while I was holding the cup. because you have to package that stuff and you have to take care of that stuff and we as guys we get married and we think our wife is like this cup. And we start talking to her like this cup like we have all other guy friends who don't have any problem with us. We start communicating like this cup and all of a sudden this cup get chipped. Or this cup get cracked. Or this cup gets hurt. And we as guys are like, what's wrong with her? So weak, yeah. She is, she is precious. You can't treat her like this. You have to treat her like this. It means you have to think about her like someone who is more valuable. You have to think about how you gonna protect her heart. You have to think about how she knows that if with you she feels the most confident and protected and loved and secure. And oh by the way guys, every single one of your wives coz you married them because they live in the same full world they're cracked in some way already and some of them are cracked a lot more than others which means you get the ability as a husband to kinda help put that thing back together. And love and honor and do all that because a woman is not like a man. Woman it's your heart, you have this insatiable desire to feel cherished and precious and its valuable and its normal and its how God made you. You know what guys our problem is? Women our problem is our ego. Our problem is you can't tell us that we are awesome too many times. You can't. It's insatiable for us. Like I already told like twice this week that you are awesome. But that , I needed like 30 times that day and still wasn't enough. And for women you have a heart that's insatiable saying tell me that I am cherished. Tell that I'm loved. Tell that you'd have picked me all over again. Tell me that you're there for me. Listen to what I'm saying when I'm talking about this relationship is been batless. Let me know that you care about me. See the difference. This is weaker, it doesn't mean less than. As a matter of fact it made it more precious and more valuable. Amen. That's what Peter is trying to tell us. He's trying tell us as husbands wives are not the same as men. And that's the illustration that God wants us to understand. Because she's a woman. It's not a put down and that's why he ends by saying and show her honor as what as a fellow heir of the grace of life. It means you preference and honor your wife. It means out of all the people in the world you wife would be the one who would say I know this about my husband. He protects me. He loves me, he cares for me, he puts me first, like you live like that it makes a pretty easy for a wife to submit to you, right? I have never a wife with a husband who wants to be that out. I'd never submit to that, no. They want to, its how God designed women. Its good but we have a responsibility too. And then he gives us a third one. And single let me say this before I move on so how do I protect my wife when I don't have a wife? When you date be chivalric. Open the car door for your girlfriend and pay for her meals and be the one that asks her out. And pursue her and don't make her tell you I kinda like to go out with you, what do wanna do? I mean be a gentleman. Show her that you know how to treat a woman. Like my little girls, 12 and six, they know how a man is supposed to treat a girl. When we go on daddy-daughter dates, I open the door. I pay for the meal. I ask them where they wanna go. I hold their hand walking them. Why do I do all that? Because when some joker comes and wants to date my daughter I want them to realize that they are a joker. I wanna be who they measure up to. I want them to know that you're a queen and you need to be treated like one. I don't wanna be the guy that's coming in oh don't take her out. I want a model for them what it looks to be right. I wanna do it with their mother so they see what it looks like to be right. Then this third one, this may be hardest of all for some guys. Husbands pray with and for your wife. Pray with and for your wife. See God asked us to treat this way wives so that your prayers will not be hindered. This assumes you're praying with and for your wife. Now just a word to the ladies here just so that you can hear something from me coz your husbands won't tell you this. One of the scariest for a husband to ever do and one of the things that he's most terrified to do of anything that you'd ask him to do is to pray with him. Because they've heard you pray ladies and you pray with flowery language and heart and passion and goodness. And then you ask how come you never pray with me? And he feels like a third grader doing English as second language when he prays. And so when he's praying he feels like a moron or an idiot so he feels like he's not a leader that he wants to be. So he does wanna pray with you he just doesn't know how so its okay for you to tell him hey I just want you to pray and even it doesn't come out right, its okay. Now husbands let me just tell you this. Pray with and for your wife. Even if you don't know how just tell her I wanna learn how to pray with you and I know I'm not very good at that. I know I need to develop my prayer life but would you be willing to pray with me. And just practice or get with other couples that know how to pray. And pray with them and come to prayer nights. Because the best way prayer is more caught than taught. Like when you learn to pray for each other, that's what keeps your marriage on the right track. I mean if 50% of marriages are breaking up and 50% of more Christian marriages how many more people here that are married aren't living that enjoyable Christian married life. Means there's myriads of you pray together. Here's a question. How of you pray together? How often do you pray together? Like when do you pray? do you set a time, its hard. I remember when Kim and I got married I remember thinking we'll get everyday, we'll do devotions everyday it will be so awesome cox we'll be living together. Well so much time. It doesn't happen that way. You have to make time to pray for each other. And with each other. So that your wife can hear you pray prayers of blessings so she knows you've heard what she's dealing with. And you can pray over her and she knows if my husband's praying I know God's got this. And I know God's gonna work this thing out. And that's who my God is. And husbands just know this, even if you have a wife who's not a believer, she would want you to pray for her. She would wanna hear you pray for her. She wants to hear you pray for your kids. Many of you wives you're dying for your husbands to do that. And again this is not a nudge or are you listening? This is husbands, this is for you. Pray with and pray for you wife. So that what, you prayers won't be hindered. It means you as a couple, God established you as one, to accomplish somethings I'm this world that He can only do through you and nobody else and the way that get done is through praying with and for each other. What are you praying for? What are you believing by faith that God's gonna do with your life? In the lives of your children in the lives of scopal ministry what is God doing? And by living this way by wives honoring their husbands and husbands honoring their wives that keeps our prayers from bring hindered. If you are single I'd encourage you, develop your prayer life. I mean just develop your prayer life. I mean be ready to pray. And be praying for your spouse. For who God will bring you. I remember the first time we ever prayed with my wife we got praying and I remember exactly where we were and I remember exactly what she said when we got done. She said, we said amen and she looked at me said wow , did you feel that? And I'm like feel what? And she's like the Holy Sprit was all over that. And I was like, I know baby, that's how I pray. I didn't develop my prayer life when I got married I already had a prayer life and I knew praying with my wife she had one too. And I knew she loved Jesus because I could hear it coming out of her heart. And even if you are nervous at prayer and you've never prayed before you're brand new at this you can even start by saying God I don't even know how to pray but here I am and help. That's a great prayer. It's praying God's word back to Him, it's reading scripture it's praying this saying God I'd love to be the husband that preference my wife and lives with her in an understanding way. As someone weaker let me honor her that way. As a fellow heir of the gift of life and Lord I wanna do this in my personal behind her. Just pray the scriptures right back to God. These are hard things. But they are really good things. They are impossible things. But they are possible with the spirit of God. And God's called all of us to put these things into practice. Not to put down one another, not to nag at one another, not to tell on another you better be you lousy or look at what happened. This is a chance for each of us individually to be able to confess. I haven't been that. I can tell you on the authority of God's word there's not one husband here nor is there one wife here that lives this 100% perfect all the time. None of us. Which is why God's given us His son. And His son Jesus we have redemption and forgiveness of sin. We have His blood that washes us clean and gives us a fresh start wherever we are, right. You don't have communication problems in your marriage. Every marriage has that. You don't have irreconcilable differences every marriage has that. You have a spiritual of not being who God's wants you to be. Now here's the question, most husbands are saying ,if my wife would live like that I'd really like that. And most wives are here saying if my husband would live like that, I'd submit like that. But that's not the way it works. The way it works is for individuals who hear the voice of God saying if my wife never hears a word of that I gonna live this way. Here's how it works, if my husband doesn't ever hear a word of that here's how I wanna live. And the reason I'm doing it God is I'm doing it for you. So they way I wanna end on both campuses today is giving us a chance to do something that's really important when we hear a message like this is to confess our sins and take communion and to be reminded of the fact that God's forgiven our sins and to be reminded of the fact that He's still with us and goes before us and that no matter where we've struggled that our yesterdays don't equal our tommorows. No matter how bad things may have been. God's a redemptive God and He can work it all out. And to take communion as individuals and to take it as married couples saying God by your Grace and by your help I can be everything that you've called me to be. And so what I wanna do is I wanna pray for you. After I pray our ushers will distribute the elements and just take two cups, one's on top of the other, hold it in your hands and we'll come back on this campus in Bloomfield. Pastor Kyle, one of our leaders in Bloomfield will come back in Bloomfield will come back and take communion with you there. Would you pray with me. Lord Jesus we just thank you for your word. Lord your word teaches us what you have established what you've instituted and provided instructions. And Lord we just pray we will be the wives and the husbands you called us to be. Or that we'd become those someday. And Lord we believe by your Grace it is completely possible. So lord have your way in this time. And Lord remind us that our marriage is just a reflection of our own spiritual life with you. We wanna be spirit filled and Lord where we missed the mark Lord we ask your forgiveness. We give you all the praise, in Jesus name, amen.